Chapter Ten

Well, I am up walking again.

I’m heading off in the Direction Of The Rest Of My Life.

The sun is shining, the grass is green and the flowers smell wonderful.

I’m happy with myself and I can actually say that I feel carefree, unencumbered.

Now, I know that I have not finished with my business of making amends, but I have made a darned good start.

It will end when it ends.

I know that now.

I notice something else also.

People enjoy being with me.

Some smile at me and some twinkle a hello with their eyes.

I am somebody and others actually acknowledge that as they pass by.

Simply being here in the first place on a wonderful day becomes very fulfilling.

I belong.

Finally I belong.

So, as I sit here and ponder my journey thus far, something that James Joyce wrote comes to mind, “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.”

That leads me to think just how often I have been beside myself with anger, frustration or disappointment. As I ponder this thought of “being beside myself” I find myself turning inward. Then I notice that Presence there with me, and as I notice it there with me, I hear in my mind that Voice, that directs me through a simple few thoughts.

First It tells me, “therapeutic healing in all its many forms brings me to an awareness of myself and my body; an awareness that I may never have noticed before. It points out to me, that this is especially important in a culture such as ours, because all of us have been trained to neglect our instinctual life.”

The Voice goes on, “in the process of healing, you slow down, actually and truly staying in the moment with whatever it is that arises for longer and longer periods of time, no longer meandering through the tangle of your own thoughts.

For with this awareness,” the Voice tells me, “each of us can cultivate will¬ingness; a willingness to be open to experiences both new and old, be they physical or meta-physical, without struggling against the experiences but rather by simply having them; to actually begin to live fully in our minds, in our bodies and most importantly in the moment.”

No Longer At Odds with Everything

“As you do so,” The Voice says, “You may begin to feel more clearly life’s pleasures and pains.”

The Voice says clearly and succinctly, “You may begin to notice that you have avoided your pain, your legitimate suffering, for most of your life and if the truth of the matter were known and clearly understood, you really know very little about it... the pain.”

I found that interesting.

“To heal,” It tells me, “the mind and the body and the soul must study the pain they experiences. When you pay close attention to your pains, you will notice several kinds of pain—that which comes from unaccustomed postures, activities or thoughts and the pain that arises is a signal that we are sick or have a genuine physical, mental or spiritual problem. What is common to these facets of pain is all pains are a call for direct response and healing action from us.”

Now the complicated Stuff

“However,” the Voice continues, “most often the kinds of pains you encounter in the recovery process are not indications of physical problems. They are the painful, physical manifestations of our emotional, psychological, and spiritual holdings and contractions. Call these pains ‘Our Muscular Armor’. They are areas of your body that you have tightened over and over in painful situations as a way to protect yourself from life's inevitable difficulties. As you sit still and notice, your shoulders, your back, your jaw, or your neck may hurt.

Accumulated knots in the fabric of our body, previously undetected, begin to reveal themselves as you begin to open to the process. This is also true in meditation as well. As you become conscious of the pain you have held, you may also notice feelings, memories, or images connected spe¬cifically to each area of tension.

As you gradually include in your awareness all that you have previously shut out and neglected, the oddity of the situation is your body heals. Learning to work with this opening is part of the Art of Recovery. There are spiritual principles for recovery and it is wise to know them if you are to proceed.”