Chapter Five

So here I sit next to a mystical stream with a now empty metaphorical backpack at my side.

Now what?

I notice that there is a dust, the residue from the grunge and goop, covering me, and I am afraid that every passerby will notice too. It is embarrassing to sit here all covered in the dust and grunge of my past. I feel shame and embarrassment. I know in my heart of hearts that every passer-by can see … in my mind I am sure that I know exactly what they are thinking. I’m afraid of the “what if’s”, what if my new-found God finds out about me, too? As I think these thoughts I slowly begin to sense a feeling of warmth and certainty fill my body.

I sense that I am safe again. I can now both sense and hear That Voice. This is a poor description of the experience, but they are the only words I can use to describe what happens when I communicate with my Higher Power.

The Voice is so much a part of me now and It tells me that these things that I called “my stuff” are only the things that happened to me, they are not who I am.

Perfect, Upright and Beautiful,

Some Days My Behavior Stinks,

I am not my Behavior.

I sense or hear that this Power Within Me loves me for me, then I remember an old phrase, God Don’t Make No Junk.

I begin to look for someone who has already walked this part of the path, someone to share with, someone who seems to know their way along this pathway. I know that I need to do this. I know that I want to brush off the dust of my past. Just like cataloguing the stuff, I now know in my heart of hearts that I must unburden myself in the Presence of both my Higher Power and another living, breathing human being.

This feels scary but I know this must be done.

Who will I trust? I ask for guidance from my Higher Power and as I do I notice someone is there beside me. I look at them and just know that they are the one.

Together we sift through the dust.

For the first time in my life I feel accepted and safe.