Chapter Twelve

I’m well along on my path now.

I’ve really traveled quite a piece.

I'm now doing whatever needs to be done in the fashion it seems to need doing.

It is my belief now, that as I follow my spiritual practices it is being done in conjunction with my Higher Power’s Will for me.

I have come to learn that I have always been in the perfectly right place for me to be, even in the face of what sometimes appears to be overwhelming evidence to the contrary, at least in my mind anyway.

It warms my heart to have real friends. People who actually enjoy me as much I enjoy them.

My world is now a wonderful place. The grass is still green as it always was and the sun still rises in the east as it always has, but I see things so differently now.

Imagine that—knowing I am in exactly the right place, at exactly the right time, doing exactly the right thing. Now that is confidence isn’t it?

As I come upon a mystical stream, I notice someone struggling with a metaphorical backpack. I wonder what is next in line for me today. I sit down beside him and ask,

“Are you looking for someone?

How Can I Help?”

Chapter Eleven

So as I begin to move into the many tomorrows of the rest of my life, I notice that I have come out of a dream-like state, one that I had been in for most of my life. Odd, being out here in the real world. I notice that I look forward to the day ahead of me. Imagine that, looking forward to what is next.

Strange thoughts for a person like me.

So I tidy myself up just a little and turn my focus inward to my Higher Power; I sort of combine prayer, conversation and meditation.

I just take the time to notice and acknowledge that my God is now a part of my life and that I am part of Its Expression of the universe. So as I acknowledge my place in God’s creation, I take the time to ask any questions about my life that I feel I need guidance on. I toss these thoughts out into the ring and just leave them for God to deal with in Its own good time. It is sort of like a spiritual morning shower, it refreshing.

I close my eyes and turn my thoughts to My Creator.

Acknowledging the sacredness of all things and of all people, I ask simple things like:

 What would you have me do today?

 Or, how can I be one of your instruments today?

 Place before me what you would have me do and with your strength and wisdom at my side I will do my very best to do what needs to be done.

I notice that as I talk with my God in this fashion He actually answers me.

I notice something else that if I offer thankfulness for the as-of-yet immature day it becomes just a little nicer place to be, no matter what happens.

I no longer feel alone.

I seem to get answers to questions that previously baffled me, and things actually get done that used to overwhelm me. Sometimes it’s the garbage that needs to be taken out. Sometimes, my job seems to be instrumental in saving a soul or two, and then it’s just life saving 101. It is only what I do, but more importantly, I do it for and with God. I never did that before. Now it is the way of things.

I simply do whatever is next, and it is not my agenda any longer. I can now live comfortably with me not trying to prove and re-prove who it is that I thought I was.

I notice I have forgiven. Oh, it was never ok that what happened actually happened to me, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve unhooked from the past and all the energy I had invested in protecting me from a world I thought would destroy me ——the ghosts of Xmas past.

I never really noticed this until now. And I am not too sure when that release happened. But it did, and I am thankful for it.

I now know that if I want to understand my innocence, I need to ask for the willingness to forgive.

Chapter Ten

Well, I am up walking again.

I’m heading off in the Direction Of The Rest Of My Life.

The sun is shining, the grass is green and the flowers smell wonderful.

I’m happy with myself and I can actually say that I feel carefree, unencumbered.

Now, I know that I have not finished with my business of making amends, but I have made a darned good start.

It will end when it ends.

I know that now.

I notice something else also.

People enjoy being with me.

Some smile at me and some twinkle a hello with their eyes.

I am somebody and others actually acknowledge that as they pass by.

Simply being here in the first place on a wonderful day becomes very fulfilling.

I belong.

Finally I belong.

So, as I sit here and ponder my journey thus far, something that James Joyce wrote comes to mind, “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.”

That leads me to think just how often I have been beside myself with anger, frustration or disappointment. As I ponder this thought of “being beside myself” I find myself turning inward. Then I notice that Presence there with me, and as I notice it there with me, I hear in my mind that Voice, that directs me through a simple few thoughts.

First It tells me, “therapeutic healing in all its many forms brings me to an awareness of myself and my body; an awareness that I may never have noticed before. It points out to me, that this is especially important in a culture such as ours, because all of us have been trained to neglect our instinctual life.”

The Voice goes on, “in the process of healing, you slow down, actually and truly staying in the moment with whatever it is that arises for longer and longer periods of time, no longer meandering through the tangle of your own thoughts.

For with this awareness,” the Voice tells me, “each of us can cultivate will¬ingness; a willingness to be open to experiences both new and old, be they physical or meta-physical, without struggling against the experiences but rather by simply having them; to actually begin to live fully in our minds, in our bodies and most importantly in the moment.”

No Longer At Odds with Everything

“As you do so,” The Voice says, “You may begin to feel more clearly life’s pleasures and pains.”

The Voice says clearly and succinctly, “You may begin to notice that you have avoided your pain, your legitimate suffering, for most of your life and if the truth of the matter were known and clearly understood, you really know very little about it... the pain.”

I found that interesting.

“To heal,” It tells me, “the mind and the body and the soul must study the pain they experiences. When you pay close attention to your pains, you will notice several kinds of pain—that which comes from unaccustomed postures, activities or thoughts and the pain that arises is a signal that we are sick or have a genuine physical, mental or spiritual problem. What is common to these facets of pain is all pains are a call for direct response and healing action from us.”

Now the complicated Stuff

“However,” the Voice continues, “most often the kinds of pains you encounter in the recovery process are not indications of physical problems. They are the painful, physical manifestations of our emotional, psychological, and spiritual holdings and contractions. Call these pains ‘Our Muscular Armor’. They are areas of your body that you have tightened over and over in painful situations as a way to protect yourself from life's inevitable difficulties. As you sit still and notice, your shoulders, your back, your jaw, or your neck may hurt.

Accumulated knots in the fabric of our body, previously undetected, begin to reveal themselves as you begin to open to the process. This is also true in meditation as well. As you become conscious of the pain you have held, you may also notice feelings, memories, or images connected spe¬cifically to each area of tension.

As you gradually include in your awareness all that you have previously shut out and neglected, the oddity of the situation is your body heals. Learning to work with this opening is part of the Art of Recovery. There are spiritual principles for recovery and it is wise to know them if you are to proceed.”

Chapter Nine

Finally, things seem to be coming to completion.

I’ve got my cataloguing done. I’ve made my lists. And I have become willing to fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed.

“I’m ready!” I shout from beside the mystical stream. “I’m ready.”

I am also very much in a hurry.

Understatement!

“Let’s just get this thing done so I can get on with the rest of my life,” I say to myself under my breath.

Now, before anything else happens, I’ll just start to get in touch with some of those lost souls I may have trudged upon and say “I’m sorry.” I’ll knock off a few names tonight and then a few tomorrow and it will be done in no time. Right!

I feel a Presence with me now. Neither male nor female, that Presence just seems to be here filling some unseen space and Its other quality at this moment is that it is silent.

But I can feel It.

My newfound friend and guide ask me where I’m going. I tell him that I am off just to get a few names ticked off the list and done before nightfall.

He says, “Slow down. This is not what you may think it is. This is not wham bam thank you and I’m sorry ma’am. This is a process of setting things to right. So, sorry does not really enter into it unless it is something that is really necessary. Remember, every case is different. Sometimes you can't do anything at all. This is not about causing more harm to you or anyone else … this is just about setting things right, sometimes you just have to leave it be, as it is, and let God deal with it.”

Wise advice.

Chapter Eight

Well, here I am walking along the path with a new-found friend. Yes, my mythical backpack is gone. I am happy. For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I am happy. No, I am not at peace with myself totally, but I am happy.

My friend tells me that I have more to do.

You have to set to right those things that you set into motion that were off balance.

He told me that I had to become willing to set things straight. Wow, what a task. Actually be willing to be responsible for what I have done.

Imagine that, me being responsible. I suddenly realize I had no idea what to do to be responsible. What does it mean to be responsible, to set things right?

You must become prepared and willing to deal with every person or situation about which or upon whom you have left your mark. This is not about saying you are sorry; this is about setting the relationship right. Sometimes that may mean a relationship is concluded or it can be intensified or debts are paid, but things are brought back into balance. Some people call this a returning cycle … you restore the energy you took and then add just a little more to restore your self esteem and self pride. These may be things that you feel guilty about, or they may not, but you must be willing to deal with them in a fashion that will inspire peace to return to your relationship with them or it

There is only one thing that I can do. I can pray and ask for guidance and begin to trust that I will get the answers that I need to hear when I need to hear them.

I have begun the business of coming to terms with the fact that all persons are equal in God’s eyes.

My perception of this un-equal-ness is what fired the pit of my own pain, hurt and shame. I noticed that I had not recognized others as having a value before God.

I am beginning to understand that in the process of healing of my relationships I am healing my soul.

As I respect others as equal members of the Interplanetary Galactic Starship, then I am learning to respect me and all my processes. Time to write, time to journal and tell me my story, this time noticing the toes I have stepped on.

Chapter Seven

So, still sitting here, still exhausted, but now clearer of mind.

I have decided deep within me that I am ready.

I have decided is the key phrase.

I am ready to let go of all this stuff, all this mess.

I close my eyes and I pray, probably for the first time in my life, I sincerely pray to my Higher Power and simply ask, “Take all this from me.”

I sense the Presence of that Voice again. It is here with me now, beside me and silent. I can feel It, I can’t hear It, and I can just feel Its Presence.

Then I hear.

“You have no burden to remove. I did not err in your creation. You are perfect, as are all my creations. You are made in my image, I, as your maker, see only that you are perfect, which is all there is to see for either you or me.

So I instruct you: You made your burden. You set it down and walk away from it.

Simply leave it by the side of the path. I will come in my own good time, pick it up and put it to it’s proper use elsewhere in my creation. Simply go and leave it there for me to pick up later.

For the first time ever in my life I know absolutely that I am not alone.

Others have stopped. They take my hand and we walk together toward our future. The future Our Creator intended for us to have.

Chapter Six

Exhausted, I sit here pondering, what should I do next? Sitting beside me is all my mess. Do I attempt to tidy it up? Do I put things back the way they were? Will that really work any longer? What I now know is, I just have to get on with … gett’n on down the road.

As I do, I notice my step is lighter. Not totally lightened by a long shot, but lighter than it was. Better stop and meditate on what I just did. What it means to me, and what is next!

I see others on the path and they don’t have any baggage at all. They actually seem full of life and happy. I begin to wish my If Only wish. If only my burdens were gone too, then I could be just like them.

As I begin my journey into self-pity I hear The Voice again and it says to me "So you wish your weight was lifted from you, do you?”

I respond out loud, “Yes!”

The Voice For Certainty says, “Look at yourself, look at how you hold on to your mess … you do as if it were gold … something to be treasured."

There I was caught in the act of being my old, scared self. Hanging on for dear life to what I imagined I thought I was.

I now know that if I am to move-on in my recovery, I have to let go of “My Stuff: My Hurt, My Shame and My Pain.” I notice, perhaps for the first time, that I hold this mess of mine with a death grip.

The Inner Voice of Sanity tells me that no two people do this releasing thing in the same fashion. Some let go all at once and others do it a bit at a time. And some do it slowly and laboriously, sometimes stretched over entire lifetimes. And of course, some never do it. It is all up to me, to get on with my business of me finding me. “If I can imagine,” This Voice tells me, “that is the first real action I can take in having ‘something called different’ ”.

I visualize myself letting go of all the trash. The stuff I carry to identify me to me. As I take the risk to do this act of release I feel filled with life and love. I am relaxed. I am ready.

Chapter Five

So here I sit next to a mystical stream with a now empty metaphorical backpack at my side.

Now what?

I notice that there is a dust, the residue from the grunge and goop, covering me, and I am afraid that every passerby will notice too. It is embarrassing to sit here all covered in the dust and grunge of my past. I feel shame and embarrassment. I know in my heart of hearts that every passer-by can see … in my mind I am sure that I know exactly what they are thinking. I’m afraid of the “what if’s”, what if my new-found God finds out about me, too? As I think these thoughts I slowly begin to sense a feeling of warmth and certainty fill my body.

I sense that I am safe again. I can now both sense and hear That Voice. This is a poor description of the experience, but they are the only words I can use to describe what happens when I communicate with my Higher Power.

The Voice is so much a part of me now and It tells me that these things that I called “my stuff” are only the things that happened to me, they are not who I am.

Perfect, Upright and Beautiful,

Some Days My Behavior Stinks,

I am not my Behavior.

I sense or hear that this Power Within Me loves me for me, then I remember an old phrase, God Don’t Make No Junk.

I begin to look for someone who has already walked this part of the path, someone to share with, someone who seems to know their way along this pathway. I know that I need to do this. I know that I want to brush off the dust of my past. Just like cataloguing the stuff, I now know in my heart of hearts that I must unburden myself in the Presence of both my Higher Power and another living, breathing human being.

This feels scary but I know this must be done.

Who will I trust? I ask for guidance from my Higher Power and as I do I notice someone is there beside me. I look at them and just know that they are the one.

Together we sift through the dust.

For the first time in my life I feel accepted and safe.

 

Chapter Four

I seem to be pointed in an interesting direction now, but this is anything but easy. In fact it seems to be a lot like work. I have a good sense of my Higher Power now but I appear to be weighed down by who and what I think I am.

Time to begin to examine who it is that I am or better said who it is that think I might be.

So, I find a place by a mystical stream and take off this metaphorical backpack and begin to examine whom it is that I think I am.

My pack is full to overflowing with stuff. Old stuff, new stuff, embarrassing stuff, and stuff I wouldn’t tell anyone, even on my death bed, and stuff I don’t even know that I have. There is so much stuff … I cannot count it all.

So I reach in and take hold of some stuff, a shiny sort of thing ... a ball ... and I begin to examine it.

I have been told to catalogue what I find, just for posterity’s sake.

Not too sure why, other than it sounded like something I should do and one of my fellow travelers said maybe it was a good idea. Out comes the shiny thing. I see me reflected in it and I sort of like what comes out, it shows me off to be a nice, loving sort of a person. I am actually sort of surprised, but I catalogue it and carry on.

Then out comes a handful of goop, and it is black and sticky and smelly, and I just know everyone is looking at it and I am so embarrassed by it. I catalogue it too and then set it aside.

I watch both of these items in the light of day and notice something unusual. First the goop, as it is exposed to the light of day, dries out and slowly the smell lifts. I notice that it can be brushed off, if I wanted.

I acknowledge this, and as I do that the shiny sort of thing, the loving parts of me, begin to melt into the pores of my being and become part of what I know about myself. Interesting!

I check in with my Higher Power and I ask what I should do with all this stuff in the backpack? The Voice of Sanity tells me, with great certainty; to continue until all my stuff is examined and catalogued.

What a task; I don’t think I can go through with it, but I know I have to. It is part of my ritual of surrender. It really is the first action I have taken toward my own recovery. I carry on into my future.

Chapter Three

So here I stand at a junction in my mind with my soul in hand, or so it seems. Many confusing and contradictory messages seem to be presenting themselves and I feel confused. Now through this fog of imagery there is an attraction to one particular way. It is not marked by anything in particular, and actually it feels just a little scary to even consider going down that road but there is a sense of something, a way of doing things that is definitely different. If peace and good order have a smell about them, then it is here.

I look to my left and see many other opportunities I could venture into, some very familiar. Heck, I could walk through some of them with my eyes shut.

In fact, I see many of the old gang beckoning to me to join them in the old ways. I feel my heartstrings being tugged on this one. As I look down this old and familiar road I can see pain and despair hiding in the ditches just waiting to jump out at me. I see me depending on me, and my “magic friends” to gain relief from a world I considered a very dangerous place. A place I thought would destroy me. I now know that the relief I will feel is only temporary.

As I see my old friends I have to ask myself who is my friend and who is my enemy, really? Who wears false faces today? I notice my life is littered with the castoffs of my efforts to avoid my legitimate hurt and pain.

I want ‘different’. That path way to the unfamiliar looks different. I notice others up ahead. They seem to be walking with a spring in their step; they seem to be walking toward a place called ‘different’. They are whom I want to join. We all carry heavy packsacks, and some of us have yokes about our necks too but I notice that their steps are light and the look upon their faces is peaceful.

A Sense Of Renewal Comes Upon Me.

The old gang raises hell and bangs their pots and pans. They really don’t want me to go. They shout promises and falsehoods and even try bribery, offering all sorts of freedom and wonderful experiences if only I would stay.

It is tempting but I don’t hear the ring of quality in their voices, I remember what I have learned, in fact if I am honest with me I have to notice that the ring of quality was never really there with the old and familiar way. I choose the road of unfamiliar and different.

Those who greet me have gone on before. The warmth and presence deep within grows fuller and richer and more defined. Gratitude becomes my experience not my lip service. I am not alone. I experience the presence of my Higher Power acting with me as I go through my day, as I walk upon my path.

Chapter Two

Over and over, I have followed my own advice on what I think I should do and how I think I should do it. Each time “It Came Up The Same”, I have failed.

There are times when the desperation inside of me becomes so overwhelming; I don’t think I can go on for another moment.

But as I quiet my mind and close my eyes I notice, for the first time in years, that there is a part of me that remembers the truth of whom I am. It speaks to me in a voice that is neither male nor female and reassures that all is not for naught.

Imagine that, from deep inside a Voice Of Sanity, a reassurance, comfort and truth. This is a Voice that I recall from my childhood, soft and certain, It reminds me of my Maker and It tells me I am part of all that is. One with! I am part of the plan too and I belong, no longer left out.

"No Child of God can be less than perfect."

There is warmth and a comfort that comes over me as I sense this Presence deep within me. Oh, It is hard to discern at first, but each time I acknowledge It to be alive and well within me, I feel It grow and become more pronounced and defined, and more a part of my life.

 

I feel the pieces of me beginning to come home from their hiding places and take their rightful place within me.

The missing parts of me are beginning to fall into place, as if some giant hand is now beginning to put me, the jigsaw puzzle, back together again.

Chapter One

It has been my belief since my earliest memory that “I am alone and my world is a dangerous place”.

My life seems to affirm this to me daily.

I have found that I can only acquire the relief and happiness that I think I want by doing something or getting something.

There are times when I feel I am so desperate, lost and alone.

I have learned that when my best efforts fail me, I have gathered habits along the way that I can depend on. These habits are creations from outside of me and they are "magical". They take their form as substances, actions or facilities, things that I use daily just to get by.

I know that I can always reach out to them and rely on them. It is sad but true that these “magical” chattels are my addictions, obsessions and/or compulsions.

As I still my thoughts and close my eyes, I begin to realize that I have placed the scant shadow of my faith in a place and on activities that are misbegotten.

I am beginning to admit to myself that my beliefs are not really true. The various forms of my beliefs, my addictions, obsessions and/or compulsions are devices that have only brought me pain.

I am admitting that I have no control over them In fact; I have given them all my power.

I also notice that they have no power of their own.

They sit there like lifeless forms, shadows or ghosts, awaiting only the wind of my restlessness to stir my soul and scatter them.

I admit that I have been insane and I wonder about what may lie before me as I begin my journey toward finding the world of my sanity.

The Door

STATEMENT OF FACT: Know this; the vast majority of people who appear to be in adult bodies are in fact those who have not, nor do they intend to make the jump to adulthood because of fear. They do not know how to muster the power to make the emotional and psychological break from their parents and the power that their parents had over them.

from The Door

Available on http://www.amazon.com/

Five Simple Tools

Guided Imagery ... is a way of understanding and employing the language of the unconscious mind ... Thus it follows that it can help reprogram the deeper mind for more effective living and can help us better understand its output the moment illumination comes forward.

Affirmations ... a closely related tool to guided imagery ... Affirmations is a way of reprogramming the unconscious Idea and Image processor ... how we see things ... through mental and verbal repetition of the ideas and images we want our minds to accept as input.

Relaxation/Meditation ... is a feature designed to induce what medical science calls the relaxation response. This is the incubation period... a time where the non conscious mind works a problem in its own way.

Dream Work ... takes us right into the heart of the deeper mind’s processer ... the deep consciousness ...”and shows us how to mine for and bring back the nuggets of wisdom we find there ... Start A Dream Journal .

“Self, I have a problem, Dream, here let me show you ”

Journaling ... gives us the opportunity to express the deeper mind at the conscious level on a daily basis ... It allows me to see me eventually... “With Eyes Unclouded By Longing ”.

From the Mahabharata, the great Indian epic:

A line from the Mahabharata:

"What is the most wondrous thing in the world, Yudhisthira?"

And Yudhisthira replied, "The most wondrous thing in the world is that all around us people can be dying and we don't realize it can happen to us."

Quote from a long time friend

"Lessons learned: Time heals all wounds, never be afraid to jump into the unknown, nothing is as bad as it seems, and you can re-invent yourself as many times as you wish."

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern.

 

Beautiful people do not just happen.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

A truth once gained is the loss of innocence.

Zen and the Art of Lost and Found

Statement of Truth

A truth once gained is the loss of innocence.

There were times in my life when I began to suspect that God had favorites and I was not one of them ... Always standing on the sidelines noticing that "they" got more or "they" got and I didn't ... That would frustrate me to no end ... Always wondering why "they" did and I didn't!

"Why" became an incessant tape in my mind ... always asking and never answering...

Me, always imagining that something was wrong with me ... that, as it turned out, was one of my greater hurdles to over come. Getting past the concept that I had imagined that God actually had favorites ... that I was not included on His list.

Time would prove to be my mentor on this matter ... but first I had to come to terms with knowing ... where to look.

You see my point was that I considered me to be a "non- special" ... the undercurrents of that process could only be maintained if I kept a whole segment of life and society in a place called “special”. The truth of the matter was ... as I was to come to learn ... God really doesn't care who is special and who is not ... that is not His game ... His game is to provide the opportunity to come to terms with being here initially ... then develop something out of the gift of being here ... the one He gave ... all done whilst here on the face of this planet during an undetermined time frame.

On the other hand my game from the outset, was to maintain my ability to hide away from the aforementioned task at hand ... while appearing to be doing something about the same task at hand ... all smoke and mirrors on my end.

I developed the game of "special and non-special"... it was a "hand-me-down" ... one my parents utilized, and most of my neighbours used ... in fact, just about everyone, ... it was something that was preached from the pulpit, and something that was taught at my schools by some very well meaning if not miss-guided souls who really felt it was their duty to bunch us all into a line and conform us into the realities of life as they saw it ... if you actually took the time to follow the timeline that goes with this style of thinking ... their parents before them had passed it on and that went back for generations well into antiquity... the truth of the matter is that it was such a natural thing to do that really we did not notice we were doing it as we did it.

Prisoners of our own minds ... and held there by the devices of habit, socialization and culture.

You see the problem; it boiled down to not being able to see the problem. Why? Because one of the classic symptoms of the problem is that it tells the beholder of the problem that he or she really does not have a problem ... "in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary".

It Is An Insidious Soul-Robbing Thing

When I first noticed this, my strategy became to do one of two things ... "either ignore it" ... hope it would go away and go back into hiding ... that was always the strongest pull for me ... or to be responsible ... and begin the arduous task of growing up ... be prepared to leave Never Never Land ... just me and the universe and God ... working things out in some undetermined fashion ... What it seemed to be ... was me left totally to my own devices ... initially ... those devices were slim ... only the ones I arrived with ... as time went by my device bag grew ... it became the things that I had either gleaned or I learned from and with others ... who by the way also had discovered that they were here for some deeper purpose ... for most, this deeper purpose was still not clear ... but to find it we all had to come to the conclusion that we had to get off our proverbial duffs and do something with our lot in life.

So ... we banded together ... sort-of ... for periods of time and began the business of getting on with our spiritual journey.

But where to begin?

What five things do I need God to answer for me tomorrow?

1

2

3

4

5

Understanding two things as I enter into this exercise

First: that it is reasonable for me to expect an answer through the course of events over the next day or so ... it may not come from the source that I might expect it to come from ... but my requests will be answered ...

Second: I will do this exercise every night for a period of 3 months ... placing my five requests in a God Box beside my bed ... and letting go of the responsibility of drumming up an answer myself.

Thoughts on 9/11

We are at a place of conjunction of spirit and an anniversary point of fate, reason and lack of understanding.

Sept 11th is one decade since our world became lost in the egocentric desires of philosophies that are diametrically opposed.

Here is the problem ... Everyone works for God ... but most have no spiritual connection. Most are of the opinion that they are deeply spiritually connected and their form of spiritual connection is all there is.

Now it follows that: if I don’t have a way to talk about my deep seated emptiness ... then I will act it out in some form ... I will act it out ... I will act it in ... or ... I will transfer my pain and what I believe are its causes onto something or someone else and then attack them for it; hence the crusades, Hitler’s Germany and every other bit of silliness that was acted out in the name of God by men who had ulterior motives hedged in grandiosity.

If only we could see what we are really up against ... rather then what it appears to be ... God is not a Muslim, nor a Catholic and the list goes on and on ... God is not anyone of them, but all of them are an extension of God.

There is not one of us who are more special than anyone else.

The actual evidence of me being special in God’s eye is that I am here having this experience in the first place.

If only we could settle with this thought as being truth, just image how the world would change.

Neil Tubb Victoria 2011

Entertainment One Oh One

It is written someplace or other that time reveals all too all who have the patience to wait for its passage. But sometimes the pain is too great, sometimes the need to find out “Why” is so strong that one has to push at life and find the answers more quickly. Some of us are content to wait, and some of us are not.

During the mid 1930's, Mahatma Gandhi was travelling through India, campaigning for the freedom of India from the British Raj. He had been jailed a decade before by the British, and when he came out of prison in 1933, he brought with him a single broken spoon and bowl. He ate, washed, and basically did everything out of this one set of utensils. Someone in his following noticed that he was doing so and felt that there was great meaning behind what he was doing, and so they began to do so also. This cult grew and grew, and the philosophy of the “One Bowlness of Life” developed. Now the key here was that no-one had asked Gandhi why he did so. No-one had taken the time to come to the understanding of the Why's and the Where to Fore’s of his practice. One day, it was reported, one brave soul finally asked why Gandhi was living so to speak from one bowl. Now you have to understand that the group had grown over a period of six or so months to encompass several thousand persons. Gandhi replied to the young student that “It was Easy to Keep Clean;” nothing great, nothing deep, just a very simple practice that made life an easier place to be.

We tend to over complicate our lives just for the sake of the “supposed” understanding of it. It just muddles and muddies the waters even more, the more we think about, and it has been found that if you set your mind hard enough to work on a problem it will always give you an answer, “not necessarily the appropriate one,” but an answer none-the-less, just as that small group in India did when they tried to understand what Gandhi was doing, when all they had to do was ask.

It supposedly allows the so called secrets of life to percolate to the surface, to be examined and adapted into the day and my “terrible dailyness" of my life and its' passage through time.

and that much is true

You don’t have to know what the future holds ... to know what needs to be done ... and that much is true