There is an absolute importance of sorting through the truth of our real experience and it is so essential to our well being (at all levels - mentally, emotionally and spiritually) that the loss of this truth to our mythical defensive delusions almost always is expressed sooner or later in some form of grave illness.
Have you ever noticed: Why You Are Afraid When You Are … it is different then when you notice: Why You Think You Are Afraid After The Fear Has Passed … when I really stopped and looked at this one while I was still in the midst of my fear … I noticed I Could Not Discern The Truth. The truth was out there … in the jumble of my reality but I had lost sight of it … somehow.
What I also had noticed as I sorted through certain variations on a theme on my life was I had lost sight of the truth of it for sometime … more importantly … I was really not too sure what it would look like if it came up and bit me. This observation I found fascinating … something akin to the look on the moose’s face just before the train hits.
Oh I knew it was there … some place … but I could not determine what it was or what had really happened to me, or for that matter … who really did it … there I was hung in this limbo land … not knowing and not being able to see clearly what it was that I was being told was the truth … I could not see ... I had no idea what I was looking at.
Oh I could see all the superficial things … houses and people and things … but I had senses that were running amuck trying to see between the lines … it simply did not make sense to me … and I had no one to turn to … because … I had also noticed that everyone else who was seemingly sharing this experience with me could not agree either … with me or each other … on what the hell it was that we were experiencing.
Trying to discuss this with people … be that family members or not … made for interesting discussions that often as not turned into flat out arguments and fights …
Answer More Of These in Your Journal … In Long Hand
• Have you accepted the full measure and affect of your affliction … the ones you have just awakened to?
• Do you actually think you can still associate with the people connected with your problems or your past?
• Can you still go to the places where you used to act out?
• Do you think it's wise to keep the reminders of your earlier days around, just to remind yourself or to feel safe or to test your recovery?
• If so, why?
• Is there something that you need to do or someplace that you need to be that you think you can't get to or through without mood altering or acting out. Using your old best worst habit.
• Is there some event that might happen to you that will be so painful that you’ll have to resort to your old ways just to survive?
• What reservations do you have about making the changes that you need to make, and what are you still holding on to that prevents you from making the changes you know you need to make?
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