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The business of trying to achieve a sense of self/power in one's adult life can (but doesn't have to) become an obsessive/compulsive expression of childhood neediness and unmet needs that stems from deep core belief structures. In the more extreme circumstances, this is expressed as personality disorders that can be coupled with addictions, obsessions and compulsions.
When one reaches out into life for adult relationships, the relationships so formed become a sounding board for buried pain and the repressed core issues. That is when all hell will break loose.
So it follows that if one only tries to resolve the relationship problem(s) in the present moment and the core belief issues are never dealt with ... that is, they remain quietly in the deeper and darker recesses of the mind, they will rise again at another inopportune time to keep the individual from having the very thing they want ... a loving relationship with another human being.
What one has to do is: take hold of what they are doing in the present ... have a really good long look at it ... then come to understand that they are being driven by parts and places of their own past ... then come to terms with knowing they can act differently ... and finally, understanding there are deep forces at work here when our basic needs are not being met ... far more powerful than anyone of us would care to admit. Then begin the process of meeting those needs from the adult perspective and not the child's.
When one reaches out into life for adult relationships, the relationships so formed become a sounding board for buried pain and the repressed core issues. That is when all hell will break loose.
So it follows that if one only tries to resolve the relationship problem(s) in the present moment and the core belief issues are never dealt with ... that is, they remain quietly in the deeper and darker recesses of the mind, they will rise again at another inopportune time to keep the individual from having the very thing they want ... a loving relationship with another human being.
What one has to do is: take hold of what they are doing in the present ... have a really good long look at it ... then come to understand that they are being driven by parts and places of their own past ... then come to terms with knowing they can act differently ... and finally, understanding there are deep forces at work here when our basic needs are not being met ... far more powerful than anyone of us would care to admit. Then begin the process of meeting those needs from the adult perspective and not the child's.
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