Addictions, Obsessions or Compulsions

Addictions, obsessions or compulsions are activities that I can’t resist doing, or group of substance(s) I have to consume. It can be a set of values that I adhere to even in the face of overwhelming evidence that it is not in my best interest to do so. It can be a lifestyle/relationship and how I interact in that arrangement that is self destructive but I cling to it for dear life. These things all have one clear connecting quality, they are things I repeatedly crave to experience or consume or conversely ...things I avoid experiencing and the entire purpose in the doing or not doing is to offset feelings I have no idea how to handle. Feelings of emptiness, aloneness, fearfulness and or anger begin to describe the range. Feelings that in and of themselves can be more painful than the most painful physical feelings I have ever experienced. These feelings plague us and to gain release from these feelings I am willing to pay a price ... (suffer negative consequences). Enabling is a form most often overlooked. Here is collection of some of the themes of denial I hear voiced from time to time in my office.

• "I know I have a problem with this sometimes, but do I have to do this recovery stuff all the time?"

• "What's the big deal? Nobody has boundaries really. Why do people give me such a hard time?"

• "I don't understand why I still do it. But every so often I get a big urge, and I go for it then I have to hide."

• "Maybe I'm the sort of person who just needs to not be clear. Anyway, I've tried before, and it’s too hard, I can't do it. So?"

• "For several months I was doing fine. One night I slipped, and it’s been back downhill ever since."

• "Making boundaries successfully amounts to having enough willpower to do it. I don't, so why kid myself?"

• "Do I have to do this rest of my life?"

Relatively minor addictions like enabling or watching too much television, eating a certain kind of candy, lying in bed on weekend mornings, or not saying what needs to be said because I am caretaking someone I fear and that extends to me trying to protect me from some ghost of Christmas past, are often not even considered addictions, obsessions or compulsions, because the price being paid for indulging them does not seem to be too high.

On the other hand, the easy one to see is the “addict." The person who, at least in the eyes of others, continues an addictive behavior long after it may have been clear that there is substantial price being paid by them and it is not worth the benefit they think they are getting. This individual may have lost a career, house, family and friends, because of cocaine use but is unwilling to consider stopping, is an unfortunate example.

adapted fromCOPING WITH ADDICTION by Arthur T. Horvath, Ph.D., A.B.P.P Copyright, 1989