Tuesday, December 14, 2010

From ACIM ...

Lesson 32


I Have Invented The World I See.


1) Today we are continuing to develop the theme of cause and effect. You are not the victim of the world you see because you invented it. YOU can give it up as easily as you made it up. YOU will see it or not see it, as you wish. While you want it you will see it; when you no longer want it, it will not be there for you to see.


2) The idea for today, like the preceding ones, applies to your inner and outer worlds, which are actually the same. However, since you see them as different, the practice periods for today will again include two phases, one involving the world you see outside you, and the other the world you see in your mind. In today's exercises, try to introduce the thought that both are in your own imagination.


3) Again we will begin the practice periods for the morning and evening by repeating the idea for today two or three times while looking around at the world you see as outside yourself. Then close your eyes and look around your inner world. Try to treat them both as equally as possible. Repeat the idea for today unhurriedly as often as you wish, as you watch the images your imagination presents to your awareness.


4) For the two longer practice periods three to five minutes are recommended, with not less than three required. More than that can be utilized, if you find the exercise restful. To facilitate this, select a time when few distractions are anticipated, and when you yourself feel reasonably ready.


5) These exercises are also to be continued during the day, as often as possible. The shorter applications consist of repeating the idea slowly, as you survey either your inner or outer world. It does not matter which you choose.


6) The idea for today should also be applied immediately to any situation that may distress you. Apply the idea by telling yourself: I have invented this situation as I see it.


I have invented this situation as I see it.

Taking Action

Talking about our problems.

Mapping out our families dysfunction is not the same as taking action. 

Action means that I have let go of control and I am willing to listen to someone else and do things their way rather then my way.

From John Bradshaw's "The Family" ... page 196

Saturday, December 11, 2010

SCHOOL LIFE, SO TO SPEAK

Living life between a rock and a hard place

Insulting names hurled like stones

The heart turns to steel, caged like a captured animal - defenceless

You learn to put on stone armour to hide behind

Fighting back only makes things worse

Having no place go, no one to turn to

No friends for support, but so desperately seeking

There was no rest not at school, not at home.



Last again, but I knew that was coming, my place already predetermined

Back of the pack again and again

The ump calls batter up, instead I am battered up

Dodging the balls hurdled at me was a daily game I was forced to play

I am out before I reach first plate; in fact I was out before the game started

Why me, why am I always the target

No angels in my outfield, to save and protect me

Where were all the responsible adults at my greatest time of need?



As I sit and learn my ABCs and 123s, I am surrounded by the cruelty of life

The teachers correct my work but, they never really help me

The classrooms were filled to capacity, but yet I was all alone

I am frozen in time from all the cold shoulders

Taunted and haunted to no end

Nothing changes as life passes by, hiding from the pain of abuse

Constantly trashed and then recycled over and over again

When you want to find me, just look in my favourite hiding place.



I wish I would have been able to tell them to take a hike or fly a kite

The bulling inflicted was like bullets fired into my heart

Life was like playing a game of hide and seek, where I hid and no one seeks me

Encapsulated in a world that I so desperately wanted to escape

Each day brought the same old, same old; again and again until you believed it was the only way

On a scale of 1 to 10, my life was a "0"

The torture was so great I felt like I was living in hell

Escaped at last with no desire to go back – no more repeat visits for me.


Who ever came up with the saying "Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you", never lived a life like mine, as the names did hurt, a very deep lasting hurt.



A description of how things were oh so many years ago: J M H - 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Addictions, Obsessions or Compulsions

Addictions, obsessions or compulsions are activities that I can’t resist doing, or group of substance(s) I have to consume. It can be a set of values that I adhere to even in the face of overwhelming evidence that it is not in my best interest to do so. It can be a lifestyle/relationship and how I interact in that arrangement that is self destructive but I cling to it for dear life. These things all have one clear connecting quality, they are things I repeatedly crave to experience or consume or conversely ...things I avoid experiencing and the entire purpose in the doing or not doing is to offset feelings I have no idea how to handle. Feelings of emptiness, aloneness, fearfulness and or anger begin to describe the range. Feelings that in and of themselves can be more painful than the most painful physical feelings I have ever experienced. These feelings plague us and to gain release from these feelings I am willing to pay a price ... (suffer negative consequences). Enabling is a form most often overlooked. Here is collection of some of the themes of denial I hear voiced from time to time in my office.

• "I know I have a problem with this sometimes, but do I have to do this recovery stuff all the time?"

• "What's the big deal? Nobody has boundaries really. Why do people give me such a hard time?"

• "I don't understand why I still do it. But every so often I get a big urge, and I go for it then I have to hide."

• "Maybe I'm the sort of person who just needs to not be clear. Anyway, I've tried before, and it’s too hard, I can't do it. So?"

• "For several months I was doing fine. One night I slipped, and it’s been back downhill ever since."

• "Making boundaries successfully amounts to having enough willpower to do it. I don't, so why kid myself?"

• "Do I have to do this rest of my life?"

Relatively minor addictions like enabling or watching too much television, eating a certain kind of candy, lying in bed on weekend mornings, or not saying what needs to be said because I am caretaking someone I fear and that extends to me trying to protect me from some ghost of Christmas past, are often not even considered addictions, obsessions or compulsions, because the price being paid for indulging them does not seem to be too high.

On the other hand, the easy one to see is the “addict." The person who, at least in the eyes of others, continues an addictive behavior long after it may have been clear that there is substantial price being paid by them and it is not worth the benefit they think they are getting. This individual may have lost a career, house, family and friends, because of cocaine use but is unwilling to consider stopping, is an unfortunate example.

adapted fromCOPING WITH ADDICTION by Arthur T. Horvath, Ph.D., A.B.P.P Copyright, 1989

Simple Statement of Truth:

Experiencing our discomfort simply as it is and not being carried off imagining that it is the end of the world, has some hidden benefits; benefits that we may never have either considered or imagined without slowing things down enough just to notice.

The experience of having our feelings simply as they are presents unexpected outcomes, but only if you take the time to notice. For instance simply having the experience rather then attempting to shun it or push it away, or mood alter can in and of itself have the ability to open us up to dynamics and to places within us that are so vast and rich, so full of the presence of spirit and creativity that it would be hard to describe them, let alone imagine them to be there without having the opportunity to experience them.

People who have experienced these awakening to the deeper side of life have do so as the result of experiencing life from a prospective that was life threatening and or terrorizing, and they report that in the midst of all the clamber and hullabaloo they came in contact with aspects of themselves that they never would have imagine were there to be contacted in the first place. Now the oddity of it all is that they might never have consider of looking inside the pain, the confusion the clamber and hubbub to see what was there and they only reason that they did was because they had no choice, it happened to them.

• So how can one become skillful at taking benefit from that observation and intimacies with that which scares me nearly to death?

• How can one go about touching base with the deeper side of things that seem only to be accessible via methods that are both scary and uncomfortable?

• Then if you wanted to stretch it just a little further how could one use the wisdom gleaned from the experience of crossing over into that place as a temp plate for resolving life’s difficulties.

• Is it possible to source the deeper aspects of yourself and not be scared to death as you do it?

Simply have the feeling. Not being lost in it or having to run away from it or re arranging it to appear to be something that it is not but rather to simply sit on it and noticing, just watchingto what is happening both on the inside and the outside.

Just notice.

That is all that is required.

Simply Notice

All most to a person, we have a strong desire to shun the sensation of what is initially perceived as unpleasant or uncomfortable and all most to a person we will hesitate to even admit that this opportunity of deep introspection is there just waiting for us, should we choose to try it.

• Scary thought not to run away from the fear or the hurt and the pain.

• Scary thought just to have it and notice all its qualities.

I have done this many times and noticed one consistent thing; the feelings are never what I thought they were. Scary is not scary after I get passed the initial moment or onset and not reacted. I have found that there were stages to move through as I sat with the feelings, and the first and most intimidating of all is the overwhelming sense of vulnerability.

Vulnerability is like a vestibule or waiting area that leads to the deeper workings of the soul. The front hall if you like. Be there in vulnerability can be something akin to sitting in the dentist’s office waiting for your turn. Being there in vulnerability often seems to be an empty, creepy and lonely thing to doplace, yet when your consciousness simply stands there in it, waiting, it is then that you notice that there is a very particular discomfort that sets up deep within you. This discomfort has many noticeable features that can change from situation to situation and they can come together and seem to gather momentum to be come the working definition of creepy or lonely or empty and the list goes on and on.

We notice this strangeness and we will, quite naturally, want to make every effort to avoid it.

But … and this but is a major but … if you can just stay centered in the moment and allow yourself to delve deeper into the introspection of the natural and painful processes, know this, growth is hidden within the process of examination.

There is really only one major requirement and that is; that we stay with the sensation of vulnerable, or metaphorically, stand in the vestibule, and then simply notice what comes along in our consciousness.

Then simply notice.

Don’t grasp, don’t push, don’t run just notice. Allow it to be what it is and how it is.

Free from your influence that is being driven by your underlying fears.

Simply notice.

This is often said to be done in a fashion that we have never would have imagined possible and often as not, to heighten the affect, we do it with people or in circumstances we would have thought impossible to either be with or be in.

Imagine that ...doing something that I would never have thought possible.

Question To The Universe

So does vulnerable equal defense¬less?

1) And if it does, then when these two places in our consciousness come together do they conspire to bring about the pain, the pain we are afraid to have in the first place.

2) Am I complicit in my own suffering either covertly or overtly?

3) Are there times where life conspires with the circumstances to present situations that simply have no appetizing solutions, it seems that it is just more despair and depression?

So there you are in the midst of experiencing turmoil on many levels, intense sensations that most would want to call painful at levels in your being that you would never have imagined.

Now if you stay steady with it for just a few brief moments in time you may begin to notice something unusual, the sensation, in and of itself, begins to change. The business of standing in the vestibule of your soul becomes an interesting place to be.

The feelings evolves and as it does some of it evolves into that motivating force that will begin to move you towards sharing things you never would have dreamt of sharing with people you never would have thought of sharing with, ever, but … and here is the magical big but again … you do this because in all honesty, you need to for your own well being.

It is like an awakening or birth where the soul breaking out of its shell, the ego, much as a butterfly has to break out of the chrysalis to complete the transformation process, of becoming … what you might ask … of becoming intimate, actually become an intimate, someone who has had the experience and gleaned the wisdom to be able share from the heart.

Having the facility to share and listen and not be dominated with or by fear.

To be able to translate and transfer that experience to and with people in a fashion you never would have thought possible.

Imagine that ... doing the impossible.

What everyone notices who venture into this process is this:

(a) Those barriers that stood between you and you sharing with the world outside of you slowly began to fall away as an indirect aside from taking the time to appreciate the sensation for what it is.

(b) The appreciation process becomes the tool or the instrument of release from the cocoon of the ego, it is the process that is melting those barriers mentioned above.

(c) By stopping and doing this marks the beginning of the undoing of the self imposed isolation of self and the beginning of the undoing of that tiny little painful knot that is hidden deep down in your heart, something like the single pebble in the heal of your shoe. It becomes very wearisome after awhile.

(d) It also marks the beginning of the process that will allow you to touch the existence of the reality that lay at and just beyond the very surface of your skin. Something akin to a fish in a pond that discovers the surface and senses that there is something more out there, no idea what, but a sense that something is there and it is important to have. So he pokes his head up to the surface and begins to hang out there simply for the experience.

(e) By simply being willing to explore the deeper aspects of your own sensory output, this will eventually cause you to become aware that for you, more is possible.

Here is the interesting fact of life; for me to touch them they had to touch me, for my life to be focused and centered in reality I had to be real.

You can come in connect with them

and they with you

and not be destroyed by the contact.

My conundrum was that I was afraid and I was hiding deep in side my skin, far below the surface of my metaphorical pond but if I wanted to have the life I said I always wanted I had to at least come to the surface and be present and accountable.

Being Real Can Only Happen Where The Skin Meet The Air.

My pain brought me to the surface. I never said out of my body, just to the surface of my being.

It is at the surface of our existence, the skin line so to speak, where we find things like compassion, and understanding, love and caring, things that if we allowed them to sink in, to be absorbed, then we could begin to give over the hard driving perfectionist tread mill that we keep our selves on.

• We also might even notice others just like us at the surface too trying figure out what the hell to do too.

• We may just very well awaken into a place where we can begin to appreciate that we are not alone on the face of this planet and God has not made a mistake.

• That we really are here for a reason, and that reason might not have a darned thing to do with our logic and reason.

• We might notice that if we are actually paying close attention to all that is we might notice that there just might be a message in the fact that we are here in the midst of 6 or so billion other lost souls here too and maybe we should try experimenting with what we might be able to do with at least some of those others who seem to be aware of the predicament we are all in.

All our natural defenses of resistance are just devices we use to keep our focus off the job at hand, of exploring the universe we were born into.

So here is the conundrum:

We are left right in the middle of a life that has brought us to our knees by the sharp fragments and shards of it’s circumstances and there seems not to be an appetizing solution at hand, but there is a door, and that door seems to go places that could be both scary and painful, but as we stand where we stand in our life’s circumstance the very pain of standing there is slowly becoming overpowering so we either have to mood alter, pretend or get on with it and go through.

It is simply a decision.

It is the ramifications of that decision that are mind boggling when you stop and think about it.

As we begin to examine the pain of it all, we might just notice that there is a choice hidden away in there and I could have if I wanted it and that choice seems to be for me to step through the thought/passageway/door and enter a deep world of appreciation that has nothing to do with outer world values, that is now opening to me if only I choose; a place that is called by many different names and a place that for a time initially will appear to be filled with unknowingness, unfamiliarity and sometimes raw fear, but I now know that this will all pass, if only I give it a chance.

Finally as we are brought into touch with a place very deep inside our souls we find that this unknowingness slowly gives way to a place that has a quiet sense of immense strength and spaciousness.

It is place where courage and strength is sown and harvested, where our ability to imagine and accept and go on in the face of adversity comes to maturity and if drawn upon this place it allows us to preserver and get on with life as it is laid out for us.

It is a place where we can be stretched beyond what we think we could do, and then do whatever it is that comes next and needs to be done. This can all come to fruition in the face of the unfamiliar and the uncertain and done is such a fashion that your next action will be full of both a sense of self and a sense of creative genius intertwined into one new sensation.

It is a mystical place where you and your physical reality can meet up with your eternal essence. This meeting up is more a blending and it does not happen because of the pain or aversion, but rather out of a respect for life gained as you examine the pain and aversions of your life. It comes about because of the willingness you display to play on the edge of, and explore into the depths of, which allows you a greater access to that deeper part of you.

The re¬sistance to exploration of the pain is us holding that opportunity at bay purely out of fear of fear, because we believe we don’t know, and we don’t want to go round the corner and see. We are simply too scared. But if you just take the time to enter into the feeling of being scared you will notice it has deeper qualities too and it is only the device our mind is using to keep us from seeing our own true nature.

When we open to our suffering we open to our humanity … to all that is.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dr Timmen Cermak: Diagnosing and Treating Co Dependency

The primary purpose of a long term interactive group is to provide a setting in which the issues of codependency emerge spontaneously ... Interactive group therapy works best when members discover themselves behaving inside the group much as they do in real life – being distrustful, controlling their feelings, sacrificing their own needs to ensure that others are taken care of, revealing only carefully chosen parts of themselves ... when they finally understand that those behaviours reflect habitual and unconscious patterns, the group can become a laboratory for experimenting with alternative behaviours ...




Dr Timmen Cermak: Diagnosing and Treating Co Dependency (pgs 88-89)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Life is What Happens to You While You are Doing Something Else

EXPERIENCE has taught us that this path of looking more closely at ourselves, although certainly not easy, is truly the only route by which we can at last leave behind the cruel invisible prison walls created in our childhood exploration of our humanity.

We become free by transforming ourselves from unaware victims of the past into responsible, responsive individuals in the present. People who are aware of their past have processed and accepted it for what it is, and are thus able to live with it.

The irony is that most people do exactly the opposite, even those who profess most loudly that they are on the path. Without realizing that the unprocessed past is constantly determining their present actions, most people avoid learning anything meaningful about their history. They continue to live their lives in the state of their repressed childhood roles, ignoring the fact that these situations no longer exist, except in the mind of the beholder. They continue to live with the old and repressed assumptions; they continue the posture of fearing fears and avoiding dangers that, once real, have not been real for a long, long time.

Psychic shadow boxing

Fighting a fight I can neither win nor protect myself from. Why? Because that was then and this is now and it is not here now.

We now know that people are driven by these unconscious memories, repressed feelings, and unfulfilled needs, and this state of affairs determines nearly everything they do or are willing to attempt to do or fail to do.